I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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