I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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