I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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