dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
