my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
