she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why is half of my head shaved?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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