I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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