so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
