I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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