Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
