he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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