i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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