Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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