Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
