I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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