the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
