I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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