He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
