Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize