On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
