In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
