Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
