i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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