I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
