she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
