He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
