I cannot find my penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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