I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
