thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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