I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
