omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
