More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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