Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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