there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She needs sedatives and a leash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
