Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
