went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
