last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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