Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
