Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
