Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
