I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
