I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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