She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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