That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I want is dick and wine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
