Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
