i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
