omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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