Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The power of my boobs compel you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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