Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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