you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
