Got a toothbrush?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
