I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize