they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
