she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
