Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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