It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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