East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
