Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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