I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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