My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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