is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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