becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
