we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
third nipple confirmed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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