The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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