I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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