i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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