i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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