From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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