Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
