that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
