Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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